Whenever you start a new campaign in Bannerlord, sooner or later you will go looking for the best wife or husband for your clan, and since there is no divorce, that choice is going to stay with you for a long time.

Many wife lists were written before War Sails and still show old skill values. Everything below is for patch v1.4.8 with the War Sails DLC, which adds the Nord nobles but leaves every marriage rule as it was.

Apolytea and Gudonhelda are the best wives for governing and medicine, Floraidh is the best one to lead a party of her own, and Aelfeyja and Ulvirinja are the picks if you spend your campaign at sea. For fighting, Siga is the best wife and Urik the best husband. None of these skills will pass on to your children, though, because kids raised in your clan get their skills from education alone.

Best wife by role

At the start of a campaign you will find 184 named nobles you can marry, 88 women and 96 men. The table picks the best of them for each job a spouse can do in your clan, scored on the skills that job actually uses.

The skills are shown as ranges, because every campaign adds a random 5 to 9 points to each of a noble’s skills at the start (skills at 0 stay at 0). Many nobles now share a skill template, which is why several names often sit in one cell.

Apolytea of the Northern Empire and Gudonhelda of Vlandia are probably the most useful wives in the game. They share one template with Medicine 255-259, Engineering 225-229 and Steward 215-219, so they top the governor, surgeon and engineer rankings among the ladies. As a governor, her Engineering will speed up building projects, and Engineering and Steward carry more governor perks than any other skill. Personally, I would go with one of these two in a first campaign, simply because one wife covers three jobs. Both are likely heirs of their clans, which does not stop you at all.

Floraidh of fen Morcar (Battania) is the clear pick to lead her own party, with Leadership 245-249, Steward 215-219 and Tactics 185-189. Leadership holds more party-leader perks than any other skill, Tactics will help whenever her land battles are auto-resolved, and her Steward gives her a bigger party, because a party without its own quartermaster uses the leader’s Steward.

For your quartermaster, Andruta, Reingarda and Odofled share Steward 245-249, and each point of Steward adds a quarter of a slot to your party size. Apolanea, Yana and Richelda are identical as well, with Scouting 235-239 and Bow 225-229, which makes them the best scouts and archer captains among the ladies.

Siga is the strongest fighter among the wives, with Two Handed 255-259 and Athletics 245-249. She is 41, though, and already has a daughter, so her daily pregnancy chance is below 1% and will end after her 45th birthday. If you want children as well, Arwa of the Aserai is the next lady in the fighting ranking at 22, with 225-229 in Two Handed and Polearm. Mela leads the cavalry captains, and Unagen and Abagai are the horse archer picks. Captain perks only help the formation she commands, so pick her for the troops you actually field.

If you are wondering where Corein is, her fighting skills are exactly what they always were, with One Handed, Two Handed and Polearm all at 215-219. Since War Sails came out, players have named her more often than anyone else, together with Aelfeyja and Arwa. In our ranking she is the second-best infantry captain among the ladies after Siga, and at 19 she has plenty of years left for children.

Every new campaign also adds 187 young nobles without parents to the existing clans (162 without War Sails). Each one copies a random adult of the same gender in their clan, and once they turn 18 you can court them like anyone else.

Best husband

If you play a female character, your husband will join your clan just like a wife would, because you always stay the leader of your own clan.

Meritor of clan Dionicos (20) is the best husband for governing or running your supplies, with Steward 225-229 and Trade 215-219, and the Nords Gautgar and Mjalrik share his template. Dhiyul of the Aserai royal clan is the best male surgeon with Medicine 245-249. Urik of clan Kuloving has Siga’s fighting skills at 24 instead of 41, Muinser tops the infantry captains with 245-249 in all three melee skills, and Suran and Culharn lead the cavalry and archer captains.

Marrying off relatives works a little bit differently. A son or brother will bring his bride into your clan, while a daughter or sister moves to her husband’s clan, so his skills are not going to help you much. The exception is a female clan leader: if your brother or son marries one, he will leave your clan and join hers.

Best wife by culture

Culture matters less than you might expect. Your own children will always be born with your culture and into your clan, whatever your spouse’s culture is. Where it does help is governing, because a governor of the town’s own culture adds +1 loyalty per day. The table picks the best all-rounder of each culture.

The best Battanian wife is Floraidh, with Corein of the royal clan fen Gruffendoc as the fighting pick and Mengus from the same clan as the best young husband. In the Empire it is Apolytea, and in Vlandia Gudonhelda with the very same template.

The Nords are an odd case. Karlek (49) and Drivana (64) actually score higher as all-rounders than any young Nord lady, thanks to their Tactics and Leadership, and on the courtship route their clans will even pay you to marry them. Both are past 45, so there will be no children. Among the young Nords, Aelfeyja leads.

War Sails brides

War Sails adds 28 single Nord nobles at the start, 14 of them women, and you will court them exactly like anyone else. Aelfeyja of clan Orthling (22) and Ulvirinja of clan Rungniring (23) share Mariner 225-229, Boatswain 215-219 and Shipmaster 205-209, and Ulvirinja is a little bit better in a fight thanks to her Two Handed. Agrynja of clan Kjolding has the same naval skills, but at 44 she has at most a year left in which she can have children.

A Nord wife does not need to lead her own fleet to be useful. War Sails adds two party roles, First Mate (Boatswain) and Navigator (Shipmaster), and any clan member who travels in your party can hold them, your spouse included. One character can even hold both. As Navigator, each point of her Shipmaster will add 0.05% to your sailing speed at sea, and as First Mate, each point of Boatswain will cut the damage your ships take by 0.25%, on top of her perks for those roles. If you leave a role empty, the game simply uses your own skill.

Her Mariner skill only helps her personally, as a fighter on deck or as the captain of her own ship in a naval battle. For a female character, Kjarvon, Anle and Otfar are the naval husbands.

What changed since older lists

If you have read older wife rankings, some of their numbers will not match your game. The v1.3.0 patch notes read “Removed traits affecting the skills of the characters, and assigned skill templates to characters instead”, and that change went live together with War Sails.

Svana took a big hit, which is why so many players have called her nerfed since then. She now uses a beginner template and starts with roughly 90-110 in One Handed and Polearm and 60-64 in Two Handed, so lists that still show her at 180 in every melee skill are using pre-1.3 numbers. Corein kept her fighting skills, and only her Tactics, Leadership and Charm are lower than older lists claim. Epipheria now starts as a one-handed infantry fighter with almost no bow or crossbow skill.

The single ladies are also more even now. Of the 88 available on day one, 80 are aged 18 to 25, most start around level 19 to 20, and none has an attribute above 5.

How to marry

First, make sure she is someone the game lets you marry. Both of you will have to be 18 or older, unmarried and of opposite sex, and your realms must not be at war. She has to be a noble who does not lead her clan, because you always lead your own and two clan leaders cannot marry. Wanderers can never marry, so none of your companions is an option. There is no maximum age and no clan tier requirement, so you can court at tier 0 and still marry at 60.

Starting the courtship

Talk to her in a town, a castle or on the map and pick “There is something I’d like to discuss.” A male character will then see “My lady, I wish to profess myself your most ardent admirer.”, a female one “My lord, I note that you have not yet taken a wife.” Offer your hand with “I wish to offer my hand in marriage.” and the conversation will close with her agreeing to meet again.

Her replies already tell you how attracted she is, which is a fixed number made from both of your faces. If her first reply is “Ah! Yes… We are considering offers… Did you have someone in mind?” and she then answers your offer with “You’re a handsome devil, I’ll give you that”, “I am flattered”, “You’re straightforward. I like that” or “Yes… Yes. We should, em, discuss this”, she is drawn to you (a female character hears “Mm. Well, you’d make a very unusual match…” instead of the handsome devil line). This is going to matter a lot in round two.

Round one

Round one is available as soon as you speak to her again, even on the same day. Pick “So… I’m glad to have the chance to spend some time together.” and she will raise three topics, with one roll each. You need a success on all three, so one miss loses the round.

Every line is rated against both your personality and hers, which means the nice-sounding answer can be the worst one. Simply pick the line with the highest percentage. With neutral personalities each line will show about 80 to 90%, and you will pass all three 71.6% of the time if every pick shows 89%, or 50.3% if every pick shows 79%. Beware that the line which ends the talk in the middle of a round counts as a failure. It is a good idea to save before every round.

The wait

Between the two rounds you will have to wait one full in-game day, just over 24 hours after your last answer. Resting in the town is enough, and reloading will not skip the timer. Apart from that, a courtship never times out.

Round two

Talk to her again and pick “Perhaps we should discuss a future together…”. This time she will raise two or three topics and you need one point per topic. A success is worth one point and a critical success two, a plain failure simply moves on to the next topic, and a critical failure (“What? No… I cannot, I cannot agree.”) will end the courtship on the spot.

A compatibility topic always comes up, and if she is not attracted to you, she adds an “I am not attracted to you” topic. If your clan holds no settlements, or fewer than three and she is not the merciful type, she will question whether you can support a family, and the version in which she expects the person she marries “to have the income to support them” is a hard one. If you serve a different kingdom than hers, the game counts your ruler’s clan settlements instead of yours. A family topic fills the last slot if there is room.

If she is drawn to you, every round-two topic except “My family likes you” gets an extra all-in line such as “I want you and if you want me, that should be enough!”, which can score double. With neutral personalities, three or more settlements and the best line on every topic, round two succeeds 29.9% of the time (24.8% if she is not attracted to you), or 62.3% if she is drawn to you. With fewer than three settlements it drops to 10.4% and 39.8% (22.7% if she is not attracted to you).

Better odds

Your Charm hardly matters until 250, where a Normal line goes from 54.67% to 65.84%, and your relation, gold, renown and clan tier play no part at all. All percentages here assume the Realistic setting of the “Persuasion Difficulty” campaign option.

A big boost comes from the Athletics perk Imposing Stature at Athletics 75, which players still call “Having Going”. It raises every courtship line’s success chance by 30% of itself and cuts the critical-failure chance by the same share, so a Normal line goes from about 54% to 71%, and the common round-two case from 29.9% to 50.5%. Moral Leader (same culture) or Natural Leader (other cultures) at Charm 200 removes one required success from every round, which lifts round one to 96.9% and the typical round two to 71.3%. You will find all three in our Bannerlord best perks guide.

Bannerlord saves its dice along with your game, so if you reload and click exactly the same lines, you will usually get exactly the same result. To get a new roll, pick a different line or let some time pass in the settlement first.

Final terms

Once round two succeeds, she will tell you that the head of her family “needs to give his blessing. There are usually financial arrangements to be made.” Go to her clan leader, who is not always her father, and pick “I wish to discuss the final terms of my marriage with” followed by her name. That opens the barter, and once it is accepted, the wedding takes place.

If you fail either round, she is off the table for the normal courtship. Asking “My lady, may you give me another chance to prove myself?” will always get a polite no (“It is practically not possible for us to be married.” or “We are not really compatible with each other.”), and waiting does not change it. According to the code, your only way back is the clan-leader route below, and only if she is the oldest unmarried member he can offer.

Marrying through the clan leader

You can also skip the courtship and go straight to the head of her family. Pick “There is something I’d like to discuss.” and then “I would like to propose an alliance between our families through marriage.” He will ask “And whose hand are you offering?”, and you choose “My own hand.” or “The hand of” one of your relatives.

You choose your side, but he chooses his. He will always name the oldest member of his clan who is free to marry right now (single, 18 or older, not in an army or a battle and not a prisoner), and relation or clan tier do not change his pick. If you offer a sibling or child and he is single himself, he offers himself first. “Very good.” accepts and opens the barter, while “Hmm.. That might not work out.” backs out without any effect. For example, the leader of clan Kuloving will offer you 41-year-old Siga before Apolanea or Idrun, so to get a younger daughter, you will have to court her yourself or wait until everyone older is married, in an army or captured.

Bear in mind that this line is still offered after a finished courtship. According to the code, if her clan leader names her and you say “Very good.”, your courtship is replaced by an arranged match with the much higher price, so always use the final terms line after both rounds.

Marriage price

The two routes use different price formulas. If you court her yourself, the dowry is simply her clan’s renown, cheaper only if she is over 38, and how well the persuasion went does not matter. If you ask her clan leader instead, the price starts from a 50,000-denar hole that your relation with him, the tier gap between your clans, your candidate’s age and a fixed luck factor for each couple fill in.

• Your own gold never changes the price. A rich character pays exactly what a poor one does.
• There is no minimum relation. Even a clan leader who hates you will open the barter, and every point of relation with him is worth about 1,000 to 2,000 denars on the arranged route.
• The luck factor is fixed for each couple, so reloading or asking again will not re-roll it.
• Older brides can come with money. After courting 64-year-old Drivana, her clan owes you about 35,000 denars, but you will have to pull that gold from the clan leader’s side yourself, because Auto Offer does not do it.
• Goods, horses and prisoners can only be offered while the clan leader is in a party, and goods only count for about 40% of their local selling price.

Since relation is the big lever on the arranged route, keep her family on good terms before you ask. Executing one of their lords costs you 60 relation with her clan leader (30 if he was Devious or Deceitful), so think twice before you execute a captured lord from her clan. Every now and then a courier will also bring a marriage offer for one of your relatives. Turning it down costs nothing, and accepting it is free and gives you +10 relation with that clan’s leader on top of the usual wedding boost.

Why can’t I marry?

The marriage option has a long list of conditions, and the game almost never tells you which one you fail. Go through the chart from the top, which starts with the most common cause.

Your army

If you are in an army, whether you lead it or just follow it, every marriage line will disappear and clan leaders answer “Hmm.. That might not work out.” Leave or disband the army, then talk to her again. A courtship that is already running is only put on hold (“Let’s discuss this matter at a later date, after your campaign has ended.”) and goes on once the army is gone.

Her army, battle or prison

She cannot be courted while she is in an army (leading it or following it), in a battle or held prisoner. Leading her own war party is fine, as long as it is not part of an army. If she joins an army mid-courtship, she will only postpone with “Ah, yes. My efforts are currently focused on this campaign, so it’s best we discuss your proposal at a later time.”

Her clan leader being in an army does not block the final terms. If that line is missing after both rounds, check the woman you courted, who is probably in an army (often her father’s), in a battle or a prisoner. An unmarried older sister never blocks anything.

War

Your realm must be at peace with hers. While your factions are at war, the courtship lines, the clan-leader proposal and the final barter all disappear. If war breaks out mid-courtship, just greeting her will end it for good (“I am afraid I cannot entertain such a proposal so long as we are at war.”), even if peace comes later, so do not speak to her until peace is signed.

Clan leaders

You can never marry a clan leader, because you always lead your own clan, and that rules out Rhagaea, Mesui and every other clan head. If your partner inherits her clan in the middle of a courtship, she will tell you “I am now the head of my family…” and the courtship fails.

Other blockers

Nobody under 18 can marry, and there is no hidden 19- or 20-year rule either. A noble who turns 18 during your campaign will appear in her home town within about a day, and if her family sends her off to lead a war party, wait until she has joined it. Members of mercenary companies and other minor factions show up as “Mercenary” or “Minor Faction” in the encyclopedia and can never be married, even while their company fights for your kingdom.

In Story Mode, nobody in your clan can marry until you finish or skip the opening tutorial chapter. With War Sails, you can court and marry a noble whose fleet you meet at sea. Only a shipwreck gets in the way: while you or she are stranded on a raft, the whole “There is something I’d like to discuss.” menu disappears.

Your clan tier, being wounded, her age and a bad relation are not blockers. A low tier will only make an arranged match more expensive, and without a fief round two gets an extra, harder topic.

After the wedding

Marriage brings you one person, your spouse. Her family keeps its clan, its lords, its towns and castles and its money, and if she was leading a war party, those troops will stay with her family as well.

The wedding gives you a big relation boost with her family, about +50 with her clan leader at Charm 0 and roughly +70 to +90 with a charming character, and everyone in her old clan will show it. Your relation with your spouse herself does not change and usually stays at 0, which is normal. Every other courtship you had going ends with the wedding.

From then on she works like any other member of your clan. She can govern, lead a party or take a party role, and she is one of your heir candidates. Marrying a king’s daughter does not make you an heir to the throne, though, because when a ruler dies, the realm votes among the leaders of its three strongest clans and family ties count for nothing.

A marriage only ends when one of you dies, and after that you are free to court someone new. With War Sails there is one odd case: if your spouse dies at sea while leading a party and nobody else in it can take over, the party cannot disband until it reaches land or a port. If it just drifts, reloading a save from before her death is the reliable fix.

Children

Every day the two of you are together, the game rolls a pregnancy chance for the wife. Together means the same town or castle, or the same party, travelling or at sea, and two parties in the same army count as well. Keeping your wife in your party is the easiest way, because the game only checks once per day and a short visit to her town can miss that check.

At 18 with no children the chance is 14.4% a day. It drops by about half a percentage point for each year of her age and is gone once she is past 45. Each child she already has will cut it hard, since the chance is divided by 4 after the first child, by 9 after the second and by 16 after the third. Children from an earlier marriage and children who have died still count, while the husband’s age plays no part.

Virile, the Charm 25 perk you take instead of Self Promoter, makes the daily chance 30% higher. Only one of you needs it, and if both have it, it still counts once. Clan size will never slow down your own children, because the game skips that check whenever you are one of the parents.

A pregnancy lasts 36 in-game days (18 in Fast Mode), and it does not stop her from travelling or fighting. Every birth has a 3% chance of twins, and each baby has a 1% chance to be stillborn. An NPC wife also has a flat 1.5% chance to die every time she gives birth, and the battle death settings in the campaign options do not cover it. A female player character can never die in childbirth.

A Bannerlord year has 84 days, so a newborn will grow up in 1,512 days. Children stay off the map until then and will appear in their home settlement the day after their 18th birthday.

Education

You will often read that you should marry for good children. That advice does not hold up, because children raised in your clan do not inherit their parents’ skills at all. They get them only from education. Six stages at the ages of 2, 5, 8, 11, 14 and 16 will give a child 10 attribute points and 13 skill boosts (+1 focus and +15 skill each). You pick 7 of the attribute points and 8 of the boosts yourself, and the rest come from each stage’s random results page. If you skip a stage, the game picks for you when the next one comes, or at 18.

The parents only leave a small trace: the stage at age 2 offers each parent’s top three attributes, and the face mixes both of them. Your children will also grow up with neutral personality traits. So pick a spouse for what she can do for you right now, because her skills will never reach your kids.

Heirs

When you die, the game lists every living adult in your clan who has already appeared on the map, except wanderer companions, and you pick your heir from that list. It scores them +10 for a man, +10 for your parent, child or sibling, and +5 for the most skilled one if they out-skill you. If nobody is eligible, the campaign ends.

FAQ

Who is the best man to marry in Bannerlord?

Meritor is the best husband for governing and running your supplies, with Gautgar and Mjalrik as Nord alternatives. Dhiyul is the best male surgeon, Urik the best fighter and Kjarvon the top naval husband with War Sails.

Can I marry off my family members?

Yes. Talk to the leader of another clan, pick “I would like to propose an alliance between our families through marriage.” and offer “The hand of” your son, daughter, brother or sister. He will pick the partner from his side, and then you settle the price in a barter. Accepting a courier’s offer for a relative is free.

Can you marry a companion in Bannerlord?

No. Wanderers and companions can never be married, and the discuss menu does not even open for them.

Can you marry a queen or a clan leader?

Not as the player, because you always lead your own clan and two clan leaders cannot marry. Your brother or son can marry a female clan leader, but he will leave your clan for hers.

Can you divorce in Bannerlord?

No, there is no divorce. A marriage only ends when one spouse dies, and the survivor is free to marry again.